MMA Fan’s Guide To Euro 2024

“It’s coming home, it’s coming home, it’s coming.” Those words are the MMA-crowd-Ric-Flair-woooooooooooing equivalent in association football. And what we might have ahead is a summer of drunken dipshits hollaring that brain crumbling chant over and over and over again. For the last decade I’ve thrown my hand in – as a football fanatic and MMA pundit – to help out my MMA family in understanding and latest big tournament in the world’s biggest sport (no, not Power Slap). This year is no different! So, here is my MMA fan’s guide to Euro 2024!

Group A:

Germany

Fighter equivalent – Leon Edwards

Tactically masterful with a history of success. Young contenders are lining up. 

Odds ‐ 11/2

Scotland

Fighter equivalent – Michael Chandler 

Hardest workers who just came to the party. We’ll see if they can hang when the pressure comes. 

Odds ‐ 100/1

Hungary

Fighter equivalent – Serghei Spivac

Making up the numbers 

Odds ‐ 66/1

Switzerland

Fighter equivalent – Ludovit Klein

Fairly good, but not that good. Very Switzerland. 

Odds ‐ 66/1

Group B:

Spain

Fighter equivalent – Petr Yan

Used to be the best in the world and now we’re wondering if they are any good anymore. 

Odds ‐ 8/1

Croatia

Fighter equivalent – Colby Covington

Always in the mix but can never quite get over the line. Probably past their last chance.  

Odds ‐ 33/1

Italy

Fighter equivalent – Julianna Pena

Somehow miraculously managed to win the title recently, almost certainly won’t again. 

Odds ‐ 16/1

Albania

Fighter equivalent – James Llontop

Yeah, me neither. 

Odds ‐ 500/1

Group C: 

Slovenia

Fighter equivalent – Jairzinho Rozenstruik 

Good and solid but never a hope of progressing. 

Odds ‐ 300/1

Denmark

Fighter equivalent – Jose Aldo

It’s been a while now since they were at the very top but you just know there’s nobody smarter and tougher around 

Odds ‐ 33/1

Serbia

Fighter equivalent – Carlos Diego Ferreira

On closer inspection, far better than you would have given them credit for. Still unlikely to win anything. 

Odds ‐ 80/1

England

Fighter equivalent – Tom Aspinall 

Prematurely anointed the best in the world by over-eager and idiotic fans – who still might actually be right.

Odds ‐ 3/1

Group D: 

Poland

Fighter equivalent – Kai Kara France 

Talented striking department kinda let down by the rest 

Odds ‐ 80/1

Netherlands

Fighter equivalent – Sean Strickland 

Very effective from top to bottom but with no offensive ability to speak about 

Odds ‐ 16/1

Austria

Fighter equivalent – Drakkar Klose

Smart coach, smart team. But that can only go so far. 

Odds ‐ 66/1

France

Fighter equivalent – Jon Jones 

Getting on a little bit, while adding new pieces, and you still have that feeling they might be the very best. The English challenger is the test everyone wants to see. 

Odds ‐ 4/1

Group E: 

Belgium

Fighter equivalent – Dustin Poirier 

Once the darling of hipsters, now they wonder will constant failure be the harsh overriding memory of this extremely talented outfit. 

Odds ‐ 16/1

Slovakia

Fighter equivalent – Marlon Vera

Good defence and nothing much else 

Odds ‐ 200/1

Romania

Fighter equivalent – Gerald Meerschaert 

Middle of the road middleweight 

Odds ‐ 150/1

Ukraine

Fighter equivalent – Irene Aldana

The second best in a shitty division

Odds ‐ 80/1

Group F:

Turkey

Fighter equivalent – Mateusz Gamrot

Coming from their own vibrant league that most people don’t pay attention to and might cause some problems. 

Odds ‐ 50/1

Georgia

Fighter equivalent – Paul Craig

Overall lacking in quality but has a killer weapon that might cause some issues 

Odds ‐ 250/1

Portugal

Fighter equivalent – Conor McGregor

Even though people don’t want to admit it, once the very best. But can they be again? 

Odds ‐ 7/1

Czech Republic

Fighter equivalent – Bobby Green

Not bad, not great. 

Odds ‐ 150/1